State of the cyber-union

Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder
Wednesday, 6 February 2002 PRESIDENT BUSH'S FIRST "state of the union" address made no mention of computer security. This fact can't please demoted White House fearmonger Richard Clarke.

Up to a third of the Office of Homeland Security protects computers from cyber-terrorism. The other two-thirds protects humans from nuclear, chemical, biological, and other forms of terrorism.

The latter chunk of OHS doesn't get much press coverage. They just aren't as important as the nerds who protect our PCs. It now looks like up to a third — I repeat, a third — of the Office of Homeland Security exists to protect computers from the threat of cyber-terrorism (which in turn protects humans from the threat of computing). One chunk of OHS defends laptops from Osama bin Virus while the other chunk defends lives from nuclear, chemical, biological, and other forms of terrorism. Clarke runs the computer protection side of OHS and he earns a lot of valuable media exposure for it. The "other" side of OHS doesn't get much press coverage because ... well, because they don't deserve it. They just aren't as important as the nerds who protect our PCs. Indeed, you'd think the Bush administration tossed in the physical protection side of OHS as an afterthought. Bombs & anthrax & kamikaze pilots pale in comparison to a 14yr-old Iraqi whose computer virus can make your toilet bowl smell like a YMCA pool. Aw, did I scare you by exposing the cyber-threat to your lavatory? Stop whimpering and pull yourself together. Clarke's team will valiantly protect us from horrifying cybertrocities. The president demoted Clarke for focusing on computers at the expense of human lives. His job as the "national coordinator for security, infrastructure protection, and counter-terrorism" fractured into two parts after 11 September. The primary duty of protecting computers remains Clarke's job. An annoying lesser duty — protecting humans from physical terrorism — went to a retired special-ops army general. Clarke proves you don't need to be competent at your job to be a master bureaucrat — and Clarke is a master bureaucrat. Only someone with real charisma could convince a Texan not to fire his national coordinator for counter-terrorism immediately after the twin towers collapsed! Clarke saved his civil-servant career by manipulating the OHS organizational chart to include a "#2 spot" for himself. His lieutenants now work hard to mask the truth of his demotion in the mainstream media. Only someone with real charisma could make people believe a bored Al Qaeda wannabee with a laptop can "potentially cause 'catastrophic damage to the economy' akin to the 'functional equivalent of 767s crashing into buildings.' " National security advisor Dr. Condoleezza Rice believed it before the twin towers fell and she still believes it to this day. OHS director Tom Ridge believes it, too. So does senator John Edwards (D-NC).^[1] Seriously: they really do seem to believe it.
Clarke will insist his chunk of OHS fits Bush's vision of a world free from the tyranny of cyber-terrorism — which the president actually did talk about in his "state of the union" address if you know how to look for it...
Memo to Clarke: your kung fu is great! Anyway, as I said, the president's first "state of the union" address made no mention of computer security even though so much of OHS exists to protect your family's Christmas gift. Yet — knowing Clarke — we can expect him to ~~exploit~~cite what the president said in order to hawk his bureaucratic fiefdom.
I'LL QUOTE RELEVANT portions of Bush's speech to show you how Clarke may proceed. Let's begin with this excerpt:
The next priority of my budget is to do everything possible to protect our citizens and strengthen our nation against the ongoing threat of another attack. Time and distance from the events of September the 11th will not make us safer unless we act on its lessons. America is no longer protected by vast oceans. We are protected from attack only by vigorous action abroad, and increased vigilance at home.
Clarke may use the "no longer protected by vast oceans" comment to explain the OHS organizational chart. To quote fearmonger Yonah Alexander: "at the press of a button [terrorists] can actually destroy systems. To be cyber terrorists, they don’t need training camps. They can be operating in a basement 6,000 miles away." Oceans mean nothing to the Internet and Bush did mention oceans. Let's continue with the president's speech:
My budget nearly doubles funding for a sustained strategy of homeland security, focused on four key areas: bioterrorism, emergency response, airport and border security, and improved intelligence.
None of these "four key areas" implies computer protection on its surface — although "emergency response" could imply the protection of, say, America's computerized 911 system. Clarke does want us to believe the video monitor on a dispatcher's desk is as important as the firefighter who rushes into a collapsing building. (No joke: I grew up with one of the six men who have the power to disrupt 911 nationwide. He laughed when I asked if I could do the same with my PC at the press of a button.) Hmmm, let me rephrase my previous paragraph. Clarke's bravery in protecting the computerized 911 system is the functional equivalent of a firefighter's bravery. Returning to the president's speech:
We will improve intelligence collection and sharing, expand patrols at our borders, strengthen the security of air travel, and use technology to track the arrivals and departures of visitors to the United States. Homeland security will make America not only stronger, but, in many ways, better.
If Clarke decides to go with his idea for a redundant "GOVNET," he'll tell the media it "will improve intelligence collection and sharing." We can expect he'll insist GOVNET fits Bush's vision of a world free from the tyranny of cyber-terrorism — which the president actually did talk about in his "state of the union" address if you know how to look for it. Watch for Clarke to make these intonations. He's a master bureaucrat, you know. Just ask the national security advisor. [Credit where due: I swiped the "kung fu" line from 2600 magazine.]
[second edition]