Truth About Computer Security Hysteria

Osama bin Virus, part 2

I GAVE YOU two important reasons why Osama bin Laden won't cyber-attack us anytime soon. Now I'll give you a third.

There can be no true "cyber-war" or "cyber-terrorism" until men agree to give their lives to control or destroy the Internet.

We need to reach back into history to understand the third reason. Actually, we need to reach all the way back to the first family of hunter-gatherers. Let's call them the Flintstones. They formed an extended family and wanted only a cave with low levels of radon.

Along came another extended family — we'll call them the Rubbles — and they, too, wanted nothing more than a stalactite over their heads. The families formed a coalition. One day the Rubble kid bam-bammed the Flintstone kid and suddenly they had a tribe. The gatherers told the hunters to find a bigger living space for everyone.

Well, you can't move into a new crib until the former tenant moves out. "Bam-Bam" Rubble earned a reputation for kicking dwellers out of their caves. He taught the men of his tribe to do the same thing ... and one day they stood as an army.

A FlintRubble battalion marched out to conquer new lands for their tribe. They also kept other platoons from storming their caves. Armies fought for land over land. Men gave their lives to control real estate.

The FlintRubble tribe became a town, then a city, then a state, then a nation. One day they covered every part of the land. Their hunter-fishermen used a newfangled "raft" technology to catch guppies and somebody got the bright idea to transport an army on one. It promptly sank, and from those depths rose the term "milspec." FlintRubble scientists built the first johnboat to support military objectives.

Nations being the way they are, they couldn't just call it a "floating army." A drunken bureaucrat asked "whatsch roang wif caulling it a floaty armada?" Poof! Such is the way of politics. The same man also came up with the acronym for "Nautical Army Volunteers." He stammered "N.A.V." but a scribe thought he said "the navy."

(A similar mistake took place when Beethoven composed "Für Therese," but let's not digress.)

A FlintRubble armada rowed out to conquer new lands for their nation. They also kept other armadas from storming their ports. Navies fought for water over water. Men gave their lives to control the oceans.

Men don't fight for computers over computers. It won't change anytime soon, either.

THE FLINTRUBBLE NATION became a federation, then an empire. One day they covered every part of the land and water.

"Look at those ducks," a FlintRubble scientist observed. "They walk on the land. They float in the sea. And they soar in the air!" So the FlintRubbles created mylar balloons. Then they created airplanes. Then they created jets. A drunken bureaucrat described the front area where men fly the plane but a scribe failed to hit the spacebar when he typed "cockpit." Poof! Such is the way of politics.

Well, you gotta protect your empire from airborne mallards, so the FlintRubbles needed a new kind of army to defend the skies. Empires being the way they are, they couldn't just call it a "flying army." A drunken bureaucrat said "thisch ish an air farce" but a scribe thought he said "air force." Poof! Such is the way of politics.

A FlintRubble squadron propellered out to conquer the clouds for their empire. They also kept other air forces from storming their landing strips. Fliers fought for air over air. Men gave their lives to control the skies.

One day a FlintRubble scientist noticed a difference between air and space. "Space has no air in it!" Empires being the way they are, they shoved a pilot into the cone of a missile and launched him toward the stratosphere. A drunken bureaucrat said "that guy ish an astro nut" but a scribe thought he said "astronaut." Poof! Such is the way of politics.

FlintRubble astronauts lifted off to conquer the moon for their empire. They also kept other "cosmic nuts" from storming their orbits. Men gave their lives to control outer space.

"Okay Rob," you interject. "We see your point. Men gave their lives to control the lands, the waters, the skies, and the heavens. Now men want to control the Internet." Wrong!

A few empires want to control the Internet — but men don't care enough to give their lives for it.

Ask a military man: "if a teenager attacks e-commerce, would you sacrifice yourself to save it?"

ASK YOUR COMPUTER security manager: "if terrorists try to deface our website, would you give up your life to save it?"

Ask a military man: "if a teenager attacks e-commerce, would you sacrifice yourself to save it?" Ask an FBI agent: "if a complete idiot writes 105 lines of Word macro code, would you give up your life to save U.S. computers from it?"

To quote Sun Tzu: "land is the foundation of the state." Water, air, and space extend from the land. Men will give their lives to control these things. To quote Frank Herbert: "he who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." The concept of terrorism spawns from this truism. Terrorists will give their lives to destroy the things we hold dear, including caves, land, water, air, and even space.

Yes yes yes, the Internet extends from the land — but the Internet doesn't underpin the foundation of the state. Men don't fight for computers over computers. It won't change anytime soon, either.

There can be no true "cyber-war" or "cyber-terrorism" until men agree to give up their lives to control or destroy the Internet. Now you know a third reason why Osama bin Laden won't cyber-attack us. The Internet has no value in terms of human life.

Or does it?

On 13 February 2002, White House computer security advisor Richard Clarke warned the president may launch nuclear missiles at any country or terrorist group that dares to unleash a computer virus. I quote him in context:

Anybody that engages in information warfare against us — be they a nation-state or a terrorist group — has to realize that we will respond in whatever way we think is appropriate. Somehow, people have gotten the idea in some academic circles that if an information warfare attack is launched on the United States, that the only thing that we could do is respond with information warfare attacks of our own. That's not true! If we find a terrorist group or a nation-state is engaged in information warfare against us, we reserve the right to respond in any way appropriate: through covert action, through military action, [or through] any one of the tools available to the president.

Would you give up your own life to stop a website defacement?

ASK YOURSELF: WOULD you be willing to send men into combat over a computer virus?

Would you give up your own life to stop a website defacement? Would you urge leaders to declare war and lob nukes to deter hackers in other countries? Would you rewrite your constitution and give up freedoms to stop virus writers who live in your own country?

Clarke thinks you would, and he's the White House computer security advisor. He's got the ear of the computer-in-chief himself. Hmph. Clarke sounds like a drunken bureaucrat, doesn't he?

Poof! Such is the way of politics...