Truth About Computer Security Hysteria

Shrieking Sheikh Bakri, part 2

[Editor's note: it will help if you first read part 1 of this column.]

I KEEP SAYING "Verton's exclusive Al Qaeda interview." Time for us to ask an obvious question.

Islamic clerics, Al Qaeda terrorists, and computer viruses. You'll get the media's attention if you can use all three in a single sentence.

If you were a powerful Al Qaeda cleric living in London (naturally!) and you wanted to divulge Osama bin Laden's master plan — why would you give Computerworld an exclusive interview? Why didn't this guy flap his gums at Morley Safer or Barbara Walters or Connie Chung or Larry King or Kim Covington?

I mean, c'mon! Not even Jerry Springer? Not even Geraldo Rivera? Phil Donahue? G. Gordon Liddy? Oliver North?

Hey, don't get me wrong! A follower of Osama bin Laden might want to blab to a computer reporter under the right circumstances. First, though, he'd need to make up a CB handle for himself. Not just any CB handle, but a stupid one. I mean a really stupid CB handle. He'd need to call himself something like ... oh, say "Melhacker" for example. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha Ha Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, that'd be a stupid CB handle all right. "Melhacker." Hah! And speaking of a stupid idiot who calls himself Melhacker...

Verton's exclusive Al Qaeda interview went on to cite "an intelligence threat assessment" written by the bankrupt beltway bandits at iDefense. "iDefense found that [a recent worm written by Melhacker] contained encrypted code and numerous Muslim names whose significance is unclear, as well as at least one and possibly two references to al-Qaeda."

Good grief! This webpage contains numerous Muslim names whose significance is unclear, as well as at least one and possibly two references to Al Qaeda. Coincidence?

Verton's story continued: " 'While this does not prove a direct link to al-Qaeda, it certainly shows empathy to the terrorist organization and an apparent willingness to act on their behalf,' the iDefense study concludes." Hang on, it gets better:

Melhacker is also reportedly working on a new mega-worm that has been referred to as a "3-in-one." According to iDefense's director of threat intelligence, Jim Melnick, the worm will supposedly combine features of Sircam, Klez and Nimda and will be named Scezda. "This should be viewed as a major threat," wrote Melnick in the iDefense study. "The continuing development of malicious code from pro-Islamic and pro-al-Qaeda hackers, especially in Malaysia, is of great concern, and one that needs to be closely watched."

Good grief! A guy named Melnick bragged in an analysis about a guy named Melhacker. Coincidence?

"Scezda." Don't you just love it when hackers pre-announce their diabolical creations? You could still purchase scezda.com when I checked, so — yeah, I bought it. Memo to Melhacker: nyah nyah! Use your babysitting money to buy VmythsSucks.com. If you can't afford it, then just change the name of your mega-worm from "Scezda" to "Vmyths."

When an Al Qaeda sheikh fell into Computer­world's lap, did the excitement of a scoop cloud everyone's judgment?

I KNOW ENOUGH about Verton to say he doesn't like to put his byline on stories filled with inane tripe. And Verton apparently knows enough about me to respond candidly to my emails. He wrote:

The main point of something like this is to alert people who are running computer systems at relatively obscure organizations that in today's world international events such as war with Iraq, while not in any way related to the knucklehead running the IT department, can and often do have IT ramifications for many. It's about thinking differently about preparedness, not FUD... I could go on, but I don't want to get caught up in the ranting and the raving that has completely replaced critical thinking in the private IT community.

Verton makes a crucial point about the "raving that has completely replaced critical thinking in the private IT community." Ironically, though, "the knucklehead running the IT department" will miss Verton's main point — because Computerworld doesn't expect their readers to engage in critical thinking. Your eyeballs are just a pair of sponges waiting to soak up their ink, that's all.

An overwhelming majority of Computerworld readers merely glanced at Verton's story. They noticed the quotes from guys like Caloyannides. Then they concluded a deadly über-hacker lurks under every turban. And then the little spongebobs glanced at the next story!

Very few of them (if any) questioned how Dan Verton could scoop Larry King for an exclusive Al Qaeda interview.

I should note a lot of people mindlessly read computer security news — and a lot of people mindlessly eat fast food. There's nothing wrong with it; in fact there are plenty of jobs for people who cook up mindless computer security stories or mindless fast food. You want fast food? Go to Burger King. You want fast computer security news? Go to Computerworld.

You want to interpret the subtle complexities of your food? Go to the upscale Mekong Restaurant in Iowa City (you'll adore the Thai lemon chicken dish). You want to interpret the subtle complexities of computer security news? Go to Vmyths.

Memo to Dan Verton: you can't dunk fries at Burger King and call yourself a chef. If you want readers to understand the ramifications of computer security preparedness, then you should engage them in the editorial section. Otherwise go back to your desk and file your bylines like a mindless scribe.

Sheikh Bakri milked Verton like a goat and he laid it on thick — thicker than a triple-thick goat milk sheikh.

AH, BUT THERE'S the rub: Verton is no mindless scribe.

He — like the connoisseurs who read Vmyths — knows other obvious questions we must ask. How exactly did an Al Qaeda sheikh fall into Computerworld's lap? And when Bakri raised the cell phone to his ear, did the excitement of a scoop cloud everyone's judgment? Verton did buttress his exclusive interview with baseless tripe, after all...

Think about it.

Oh! I almost forgot. Memo to computer security magazine editors: shame on anyone who would breathlessly trumpet Verton's exclusive Al Qaeda interview! Upscale restaurants and fast food don't mix.

[Credit where due: I swiped the "Jerry Springer" zinger from Usenet participant Bart Bailey.]