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Truth About Computer Security Hysteria

As read by the author

Internet will croak for sure this time!

As read by the author Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder
Sunday, 15 April 2001 HAPPY EASTER! I pray your PC survived Good Friday the 13th. Man, talk about an unlucky holiday.
One expert pre­dicts the Inter­net will croak for sure this time on 26 April. Worst of all, we're doomed by an aging virus which every anti­virus package can detect.
Antivirus experts gave us one more weekend of safe computing, as usual. "BadTrans virus fails to spread," according to a ZDNN headline on Good Friday. "[It] has apparently failed to spread, despite, or because of, warnings issued by several major antivirus software makers." As usual. Congratulate the expert who cries wolf, for he scares away the wolf with his cries. Antivirus firms started hinting at the next upcoming catastrophe — a resurgence of the dreaded Chernobyl virus (originally called CIH but renamed for media impact). Watch for the wolf-crying to begin anew in a few days, with quotes like "it won't surprise me if Chernobyl tops its own record this time around." One expert who works for an antivirus vendor (don't they all?) warned me the Internet will croak for sure on 26 April when Chernobyl strikes again. I swear I don't make this stuff up, folks. The Internet will cease to exist on "six continents." Worst of all, we're doomed by an aging virus which every antivirus package can detect. Some of the people in this industry still amaze me. Yes, I laughed at him right over the phone, and no, he didn't like my sarcasm. I didn't even bother to ask if I could tie his reputation to his end-of-computing prediction. Our Chernobyl debate ended something like this:
Him:  You don't seem to be taking this too seriously.
Me:  Hey, I weep for the death of the spirit and the soul of the Internet. Who doesn't?
[Credit where due: I stole the 'spirit and soul' line from an MST3K episode. In hindsight I should have swiped from Captain Kirk: "I take the Internet's safety very seriously. It is you I take lightly."] Anyway, we've only got ten days left until the armageddon, after which our PCs will turn into pillars of saltdoorstops. Sadly, it means we'll never get to see a fifth installment of the DudeWorm saga. Use your computers wisely in these final days, folks. Experts can scare away a wolf with their cries ... so let's pray the wolf-criers earn enough free media exposure to save our PCs from certain death.